I've seen the now duo Sculpture play quite a few gigs this last 3 or 4 years and very often they're memorable for reasons other than the wierd and wonderful sonic squall...

One time I saw them play over in some peculiar church old art gallery in Camden...

There was free Japanesse beer all night and a good few bottles down I was really engaging with the true MAGNIFICENCE!!! of the tape loop SQUALLLLLL!!!

When I got a call from the now former Mrs G...

She was pregnant and locked out of the casa, and she wanted me to travel an hour across town to let her in...

Well, not only was I into it, but I had 2 American guests and we was all JUST GETTING PROPER INTO IT!!!, and the then Mrs Giovanni was supposed to have come over to Camden to GET INTO IT 'N ALL!!!

I was FURIOUS!!!

But what can you do..?

I seethed for a minute or two, then grabbed 2 beers and my American friends and we went home, stopping only to buy vodka on the way...

Which sent Mrs G FURIOUS!!! because we'd bought the vodka before letting her in, and she threw the bottle off the balcony, then gouged my arm, then sprayed the shower in my fully dressed face?!?!?

The next day I walked to Stratford and bought a solar panel which I've yet to get any use out of...)

Another good gig - musically perhaps the best took place on a Wednesday night in New Fucking Cross!!!

Yes boss, it was in some nouveau bar come alt.music hangout and in it, and Sculpture laid waste to all support acts with incredible ease.

Yes boss, I saw all of them except the guy who rolled around in leaves whilst playing a triangle

and they were evaporated!!!

CHOMPED OFF AND OUT!!! GOBSMACKED AND DUMBFOUNDED!! THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT'D HIT 'EM!!!

Seriously!!!

I've never seen a man or for that matter a woman, PULSE and FEEL like that on stage whilst playing electronic music?!?!?

IT WAS EPIC!!

It was the kind of gig where you see the clear and unmistakeable difference between a pro and the very many wannabe pretenders who'll soon stop taking it all seriously and become software programers or civil servants or bus drivers...

PROPER GOOD!!!

Last nights gig at the ICA would sit somewhere inbetween the two...

There was no domestic, but I did loose 2 hats during the evening...

I took a SHITLOAD of photos that I haven't yet seen, because after returning to Mr Visuals Ruebens house for the afterparty, I fell asleep on his sofa only waking at 11.41am when my daughter phoned me...

#tescosfail

I still haven't been home other than to pick up my computer...

Yes boss, all told it was a pretty spiffing night...

Which didn't look like it was gonna come off because when I got there, The ICA were chatting some shit about the place being FULL and no more people being admitted and I wasn't a member or on the guest list...

But where there's a will there's a way...

So...

GREAT MUSIC AND VISUALS FROM DAN & REUBEN!!!

Not so GREAT breakcore from some other bloke

And I caught up with a few old aquaintances...

Hard to fault...

http://www.tapebox.co.uk/Tapebox/Home.html

'Paul, a British-born octopus, predicts a Germany victory on Sunday. So far he has a 100 per cent record in this year's tournament, predicting German wins against Australia and Ghana but a loss against Serbia...'

1

In an effort to make life exciting, I'm spending 4 and a half hours a day betting on the 2006 World Cup.

I started with £20, have added more, and now have around £83 from £67 invested from 30 games.

Though good, this situation WOULD BE A DAMN SITE BETTER, if Spain had kept it to 2-1 rather than fluking a penalty and winning 3-1 against Tunisia.?!?!?

THAT INJURY TIME GOAL COST ME £67!!!

But, that's gambling: it’s a fool hardy and rather stupid waste of time, but I enjoy it, and in this weeks Sporting Diary I’ll be sharing details of how I’ve been getting on...



2

GOOD NEWS!!

I made £30 of yesterdays £67 back on Germany trouncing Ecuador...
5 bets - 5 wins!!!

Next up: ENGLAND vs SWEDEN..

England hadn't beaten Sweden for 40 odd years and weren't playing well. Meantime Sweden needed something from the game to be sure of qualification and were also under-performing…

Because of this uncertainty, I started gingerly, but half way through the second half, with Sweden level and my two goal scorer bets gone to shit, it was clear a draw was on the cards, so I stacked bets against my previous England win prediction and onto the draw.

So when England stuck the 2nd away with a few minutes remaining I felt like shit, I was about to take a £10 hit on a result I’d initially favoured and on a team I wanted to win!!!!

Business is however business

COME ON SWEDEN!!



3

So, how can you bet against your own team?

Well, unless you’re in a position to fix games, the key to successful gambling is to treat the whole affair like a business deal.

Yes boss, as in business, it’s essential you don't bet with any sentimentality or preference based on what or who you’d LIKE or would WANT to happen in a game.

You have to focus exclusively on what IS happening and what is most likely to happen.

Frequently you have to bet on the lucky overpaid wankers, not the plucky outsiders...

You have to take the stupidly low odds and avoid the exciting bets.

Get romantic about it and you'll loose far more than you win..

£108.23 (40% profit).



4

IVORY COAST VS SERBIA

I had £5 on The Elephants to start with and would have got odds of 10 or 11-1 (at the very least) when Serbia were 2 goals to the good. Instead, I lost the faith and went to cover when the score was at 2-1 with an exact score bet of 2-2. The bet wasn't taken due to it being placed on the nail of the equaliser - I took this as a sign not to bother and settled for my original Ivory Coast win - It paid off..

PORTUGAL VS MEXICO

I missed most of this one and therefore decided not to bet at all.

But...

When I came in with 20 minutes to go and saw 2-1, and Mexico being denied a blatant penalty, I was sure there’d be no more goals. It was a strong instinct, so I put £100 (all but £8 of my stake money) on -4.5 goals at 1.2 and took home a £19 profit...

This is the first time I've gone all in and it's paid off, which is a bad precedent...

HOLLAND VS ARGENTINA

This was clearly either to be a high scoring classic or a 0-0 - so I bet on both to start with and then moved more heavily onto the 0-0 as the game went on. I would have been fleeced if Holland had taken it 1-0, but that never looked likely..

So, I'm now on £132 off £62 and I feel it possible I've broken the £100 barrier for good...



5

Should have been well in the region of £150/60 today, but I lost concentration in the Italy game and took a £32 hit for no good reason.

Again it was a case of making the prediction right the first time then changing my mind, betting against myself and loosing out....

This can of course happen if you're concentrating fully, but the mistake this time, was not totaling my potential losses correctly and therefore over compensating for my potential loss rather than leveling it.

The difference was around £30.

I pulled most of it back in the second set of games involving Brazil, Australia etc and now stand on £130.80.

It's pleasing when a bad day is a loss of less than a tenner...



6

This is becoming hard work….

Yes boss, because they've been playing 2 games concurrently for the last 4 days, I have to concentrate on two games at once and therefore many, many permutations at any one time...

Furthermore, it’s all very well gambling with small amounts of money for fun. If its £2 or £3 a hit, it doesn't feel that important and if you loose, it’s the equivalent of a night down the pub at the very worst

But, thus far I’ve turned £62 into £165.98 By playing the full 90 minutes - most often predicting the goal markets -/+ 1.5 or 2.5 and by playing more conservative than Maggie, and as a result I’m turning over a daily profit more days than not

The problem is, I don’t want to loose even a portion of it!!

No boss, I have this idea I can get up to £4-500 by the end of the World Cup!!!

It’ll be a challenge unless I make some huge and very risky selections, but I reckon it can be done.

But to have any real chance, I need to concentrate 300% each time there is a game and this is making me as anxious as fuck.

I sweat through the last ten or twenty minutes of most games and each time the ball goes near the goal I have A BIG BABY!!

If it goes in and I didn’t want it to, or the opposite, I have to reappraise my bets and fast or take a big hit...

So, rather than enjoying the beauty of a multinational festival of football, I’m behaving like your Uncle Tony - soon I’ll be eating pure meat 4 times a day and yelling at my family down the fucking phone because they've called during a FUCKING SET PIECE ON THE FUCKING EDGE OF THE BOX!!!

Well shit, I bet the starving African children are crying for me

"We think we’ve got it bad?! But look at poor James, he has to watch 3 to 5 hours of football a day to earn 10 or 20 quid Lets send him our rations!!!"

"Yeah save James!!!"



7

So why am I doing this??

Why aren't I working a proper job, painting the house, fixing the wardrobe, or walking in the park looking at the flowers, the hot women and the discarded crisp packets??

Well, I think I'm trying to prove that if you treat gambling on football like Investment banking i.e. If you’re careful and realistic, knowledgeable and connected, unsentimental and blunt, you can make money or at the very least break even. After all, all you're doing is evaluating what a commodity (in this case a football team) is likely to do in the market place (the World Cup).

Sure, you won’t always win, but if you do your homework you will do OK more days than you won't and that will make a steady and safe profit over time.

Time will tell...

And another £20 in the black today says I’m right…



8

If there’s one life lesson from this, it’s that you should always trust your instincts – even if they are wrong …

Today, I hit the £200 mark after getting 5 out of 6 on the Germany Sweden game.

I therefore felt I could take a risk on Mexico. They were under performing as have most of the fancied teams, but I had an instinct they had a good chance of beating Argentina. So when Mexico put the ball in, I was confused as to where to go.

The odds on Argentina were good, but I felt Mexico had it in them to win on penalties and the odds on them were fucking excellent

I went on Mexico and more goals....

The Mexicans were brave and pulled it as far as extra time, but the passion was clearly with the Argentinians. Football means more to them - and passion is everything…..

I had to spend £100 to level my bets and came out, down £25 for the match.

VIVA DIEGO!!!!

£190.90 from £62



9

England Ecuador was fine - I had a punt on Ecuador, but they didn't perform. My mistakes were covered by Beckhams goal...

Next up was the farce that was Portugal vs Holland.

Never before have I seen such a combination of puerile playing antics and an incompetent referee?!?!?

Holland, in particular, seemed to forget they were supposed to be kicking the ball and scoring bloody goals!!!!

Anyway..

From the get go, I bet heavily on more than 2 goals and once again the second wasn't forthcoming. I've been caught this way 2 times on the bounce now, and though I pulled some of it back with some late exact score bets, I was too disgusted and distracted, not to mention unsure as to what was happening to pull it all back...

Taken all round, the first four 2nd round matches have been very disappointing - Things can only get better...

Tomorrow, I predict a rollicking high scoring win for Australia against a static Italy, and Switzerland to creep through 1-0

£174.44 from £62



10

5:16 AM - TOTAL
Current mood: good
Category: Sports
£211.90
:+)
:+)



11

Well. You all knew it was coming...

THE BAD DAY!!

Brazil Ghana was OK...

I had it as a higher scoring game and therefore stacked on at +2.5. This is of course what happened, but once again I got the fear with about 8 minutes to go and bet on the exact score as 2-0 to cover what looked like a loss.

Seconds later the third goal came. I quickly added another covering bet and this together with my other earlier correct selections ensured nothing more than a £7 loss overall...

FRANCE VS SPAIN – THE PAIN

France were struggling and Spain looked to finally be on course for something special in a World Cup Finals, so I went heavily with the Spain win and a low scoring match. I lost every single bet I made - about 12 in all, and my last covering attempt was one of the biggest losses...

I don't like to look, but I think I'm in for the night at around £66.63 (+£4.63)

Of course this had to happen at some point. It's unfeasible to go on a run for 10 or so days steadily stacking up the profits without any serious setbacks. A little less severe would have been nice, but at least I have something left to play with...

I now have a much needed 2 days rest, in which I intend to forget the whole thing and come back refreshed for the quarters. I'm confident I can pull back up to some reasonable level of profit by the end of the tournament.

I would now say anything above 15% would be a good.



12

A day to reflect leaves me thinking I should have seen that French win coming, or not so much that, as stuck to a +1.5 or +2.5 goal bet, especially given all the previous 2nd round games except Brazil had been low scoring...

But that's perhaps the flaw with my thinking on this.

Yes boss, if you have the knowledge, you can get more bets right that wrong. However if the ones you get wrong are the ones you stack a lot on, you can take a beating REGARDLESS.

You’ll always make mistakes. If you're lucky they don't cost you every penny you have....

Well, it wasn't quite that bad, but I did realise I'd put £72 in not £62 so I’m down by about a fiver overall....

This so, like a fool, I’ll return to my vomit with my head held high and today my mind has wandered both onto the 1/4 finals, and onto the start of the Tour De France...



13

Now betting on football might be stupid, but predicting the result of cycle racing is SEVERELY FUCKING FOOLISH!!!

Yes boss, each stage of a major tour can be won by anyone from 180 or more riders, and once you factor in corruption, unofficial alliances between teams, hidden agendas, drugs, crashes and illness, picking a winner becomes very tough indeed.

For example: On stage 1 of the Tour De France, I bet on 5 people to be in the top 3 including 3 favourites and only got one..

Then today I didn't bother, yet had I have bet on what I was thinking I’d have got 3....

See what I mean?

Anyway, I badly need a win at the moment and preferably a big one!!! Funds are getting low and it's less than 2 weeks til rent...If I don’t have it, Princess Paola will chop my balls off and feed them to the Fishes.

I've seen Sculpture play a few gigs this last double anny, and none was so memorable - (no, actually there was another memorable one, which involved my getting a call from Mrs G - she was locked out of the casa, and she wanted me to travel an hour across town to let her in - but i had 2 American guests and I was JUST GETTING PROPER INTO IT!!!, and drunk on the free Japanese booze, and I was FURIOUS!!! And eventually we went home, and bought vodka on the way, and Mrs G WENT FURIOUS!!! because we'd bought the vodka before letting her in, and she threw the bottle off the balcony, then gouged my arm, then sprayed the shower in my fully dressed face?!?!? and the next day I walked to Stratford and bought a solar panel which I've yet to get any use out of...)

Anyway, the gig that was memorable for all the RIGHT reasons took place on a Wednesday night in New Fucking Cross!!!

Yes boss, it was in some nouveau bar come alt.music hangout and in it, Sculpture laid waste to all support acts with incredible ease.

Yes boss, I saw all of them excpet the guy who rolled around in leaves whilst playing a triangle

and they were evaporated!!!

CHOMPED OFF AND OUT!!!

GOBSMACKED AND DUMBFOUNDED!!

THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT'D HIT 'EM!!!

Seriously!!!

I've never seen a man or for that matter a woman, PULSE and FEEL like that on stage whilst playing electronic music?!?!?

Yes boss, it was epic, and because Dan's a handsome young man wearing a red shirt, it was a further miracle there weren't a queue of naked men and women prostrating themselves at his feet...?!???

It was the kind of gig where you see the clear and unmistakeable difference between a pro and the very many wannabe pretenders who'll soon stop taking it all seriously and become software programers or civil servants or bus drivers...

YES BOSS, IT WAS PROPER GOOD!!!



Well..

Since then Sculpture AKA Dan Hayhurst has uppped the anti somewhat...

Yes boss, with a beautiful blue eyed girl born last year to feed, Dan is now working as part of an audio visual experience with Reuben Sutherland.

It's still called Sculpture, and it's EVEN BETTER LIVE!!! And now there are hand sewn CDS to buy...!!

I SUGGEST YOU CHECK IT ON OUT!!!

PRONTO!!!

"Lightning Bolt!" are a good act...

A year or so back, I was around and about gaining more musical culture AT THE CASTLE FO sCULPTURE

and a band called Temperatures were spun my way.

The LP sounded good and it's tippage by Thurston Moore has led to it selling out in sharpish fashion...

It's a bit The Fall meets Amon Tobin jacked up on coal fired rocketship with GUTS and BLOOD and broken up shit thrown into the Carburettor..

"So, do you know Lightning Bolt??"

"WHO???" I blurted stupidly as I tried to hold my spinning head...

"LIGHTNING BOLT!!!"

The record spun and it started more or less harmlessly-FUCKING BASTARD WELL BLASTED OFF LIKE A HORRIBLE GREAT BIG SLAGTANK!!!!!

It was a HUGE FUCKING SOUND!!

MASSIVE sprawling and punishing breakbeats battering the head with more authority than an Italian Policeman neo-nazi cunt who'd mistaken my olive skin and swathy demeanour for that of a criminal Romanian zingaro...

Shit...,

I'd forgotten just how good music sounds when you're stonned out of your silly head on the back of 2 weeks of HEAVY training...

If this world was right, 2009 should see the recording artist mostly known as Cylob, living in some kind of salubrious Baroque palace on the outskirts of Paris....

Yes boss, the man known to his mother as Chris Jeffs should be spending his days overseeing preparations for a run of sell out shows at some swanky arts institute to massive critical and popular acclaim...

He should be getting fatter by the day, smoking fine cigars, ordering a large blonde dwarf to retrieve succession of bottles of fine wine from his ample cellar, hurling irrational and narcissistic abuse at his staff, and considering whether his evenings fun and dirty INTELLECTUAL games was to be hosted by Candy, Randy or Shandy...?!?!?

In short, given his WHOPSTACIOUS lifes creative work, Cylob should be sitting prettier than a bomb in Accesorize, worrying only about which of his many children is going to get his millions and he certainly shouldn’t be struggling to make ends meet....!!!

But sadly, this world isn't right, and so rather than warming up his throne and fussing over vintage vino vanoldlob 1872, 2009 see’s Cylob not so much stinking rich as sick and tired of being under cash nourished...

Yes boss, with the record business and economy in the kind of vague turmoil that makes bankers and venture capitalists shockingly rich, and everyone else continually alooking over their shoulder, Cylob's so tired of daily scrimping and saving, he’s considering giving up making music altogether to do god knows what?

You can only struggle so long..

Well, though it might not always seem that way, there are some thing’s good in every situation, and the upside here, is that rather than being in the kind of financial position that allows him to forget making new and important music and concentrate instead on COMPLETE FAT INDULGENCE and COMPLETE FAT INDULGENCE alone, Cylob's STILL??? on the case of making fine and innovative electronic music....!!!

Yes boss, now recording exclusively for his own Cylob Industries label, as well as guesting the vinyl releases to WeMe records and hosting downloads to sites like Bleep, Cylob now has his own mutli-faceted interweb musical empire....!!

Furthermore, he's on a release FRENZY!!! and as a result, those of us who give a shit about inovation in electronics are continuing to receive top notch music on an even more regular basis than at any other time…!!

CHIP SHOP HOORAYY!!!!

Today, I witnessed the best and most wonderfully literal and straight forward conversation start for ages...

Yes boss, for those of you who don't know, I currently spend upwards of 20 hours a week doing a housewives job in Tescos @ Bromley By Bow...

I do this because I don't earn any other fucking money from being clever and imaginative - and, because I mostly enjoy it..

Yes boss, wierd as it might be, and wierd as I find this fact myself, I've really come to depend on this brainnumbing, treacherously dull job for my sanity...

WHAT?!?!?

Well, I know that whatever other wierd and peculiar shit is happening - both in the world in general and in my own small experience of it (and there's plenty in both) - EACH AND EVERY DAY, I CAN DAYDREAM MY WAY AROUND TESCOS for 3 and 3/4 hours in the company of East Londons finest middle aged housewives wherein I can pretend to be normal..!!

Yes boss, these women are wonderful..!!

They swear beautifully, cackle heavy joy and call everyone

babe

or

darling...

They have little interest in

art

or

science

or

the running of the bulls in Pamplona,

and their humour is very old school and when it gets going proper it's VERY VERY FUNNY!!!

Simple, salt of the earth folk they might be - but easy game they are not..

No boss, you don't want to fuck with them...

HELL NO!!! WHEN A PUNTER STARTS GETTING MOUTHY?!??!?...GET OUT OF THEIR FUCKING WAY QUICK OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!!

So today...

I'm pushing my HGV trolley around the store picking up the online orders, trying to think of a good name for our new wine importing company, that may or may not see me a way out of my supermarket heaven...

And I see these two middle aged East End women customers bump into one another..

'ELLO JOY!!!'

'OH HELLO MONA...I haven't seen you in ages - what are you doing...??'

'Shopping..'

There was then a confused silence..