Today, I witnessed the best and most wonderfully literal and straight forward conversation start for ages...

Yes boss, for those of you who don't know, I currently spend upwards of 20 hours a week doing a housewives job in Tescos @ Bromley By Bow...

I do this because I don't earn any other fucking money from being clever and imaginative - and, because I mostly enjoy it..

 

Yes boss, wierd as it might be, and wierd as I find this fact myself, I've really come to depend on this brainnumbing, treacherously dull job for my sanity...

 

WHAT?!?!?

 

Well, I know that whatever other wierd and peculiar shit is happening - both in the world in general and in my own small experience of it (and there's plenty in both) - EACH AND EVERY DAY, I CAN DAYDREAM MY WAY AROUND TESCOS for 3 and 3/4 hours in the company of East Londons finest middle aged housewives wherein I can pretend to be normal..!!

 

Yes boss, these women are wonderful..!!

They swear beautifully, cackle heavy joy and call everyone

babe

or

darling...

 

They have little interest in

art

or

science

or

the running of the bulls in Pamplona,

and their humour is very old school and when it gets going proper it's VERY VERY FUNNY!!!

 

Simple, salt of the earth folk they might be - but easy game they are not..

No boss, you don't want to fuck with them...

HELL NO!!! WHEN A PUNTER STARTS GETTING MOUTHY?!??!?...GET OUT OF THEIR FUCKING WAY QUICK OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!!

 

So today...

I'm pushing my HGV trolley around the store picking up the online orders, trying to think of a good name for our new wine importing company, that may or may not see me a way out of my supermarket heaven...

And I see these two middle aged East End women customers bump into one another..

 

'ELLO JOY!!!'

'OH HELLO MONA...I haven't seen you in ages - what are you doing...??'

'Shopping..'

 

There was then a confused silence..